Blessings

I've been avoiding updating my blog because of this post.  I've got all these feelings and things I want to say.  I'm such an awful writer so I know I won't be able to express my feelings and have it sound the way I want.  I'm gonna try and give it my best shot. 

Scott's brother Jeff & his wife Shauna have a precious little girl named Norah. Norah was born with a skeletal dysplasia that effects the growth of her bones.  Her little chest is too small to accommodate her lungs. It was decided that her breathing problems would best be treated with long-term ventilation. She had her tracheotomy surgery when she was six weeks old, and has been trach/vent dependent ever since.  She's spent all but a couple of days at hospitals, previously Primary Childrens and now at South Davis.  She's had a bumpy road and it's amazing that she's alive and doing as well as she is.  To get more of her story you can visit their family blog here.  We took our whole family, including Bayler and 5 day old Dreyden to the hospital to celebrate her 1st birthday.  

 It was a joyous occasion and there were so many people there to celebrate. For some of my kids it was only the second time they've seen Norah. They were very excited to get to see her and hold her.  I, on the other hand was having a hard time feeling excited and happy and didn't know why.  I figured it was cause I was still feeling a little tired and sore from just having a baby and driving in the car for an hour didn't really help.  I needed to feed Dreyden so I went to Norah's little hospital room.  I was looking around at Norah's home and thinking about her life.  As I held my healthy newborn baby, I felt extreme guilt and sadness that Shauna missed out on very basic small things that I was in the middle of enjoying.  Simple little things that we probably don't give much thought to.  Being able to take my baby and going anywhere I feel like going, snuggling my baby without ventilators, wires and tubes, letting him be passed around the room without the fear of illness, listening to his sweet newborn sound, nursing him, never having to leave him, being able to have him sleep with me in my bed so I can kiss him all night long. All these thoughts brought me to tears. 

I know that there is no reason for me to feel guilty, there isn't anything that I can do to change our situations.  I do know without a doubt that our lives are meant to be the way they are. The experiences we have are to teach us something or help us grow in ways we didn't know know we were weak.  It comforts me to know that there is a loving Father in heaven that cares about each and every one of us individually.  He's there for us, to comfort us and give us the strength when we think we can't continue on.  I think of what an amazing strong little spirit Norah must have to be given such trials. But I know that she has and will continue to bring so much joy, happiness and strength to her family throughout her whole life. 

My final thought is that we all have different things we have to deal with in life but no matter where we are in life or whats going on, there's always something to be grateful for.  Hopefully through my struggles I will be like Jeff and Shauna and find all the positives things that are around.  

Five day old Dreyden with Norah, they're almost the same size.  Norah has a little more chubs.

 Love them baby feets